I'm so sleepy.
shaman school is a lot of hard work
plus the quitting smoking
oh the joys...
but i'm here and alive
and thats all that matters i suppose.

I love this kinda art.
This is done by a swiss women!
Rock it.

fuck

New Job...
Group home one on one with kid whoes parents fucked him up then left him...
There are things about this job that i should love...
And maybe in a happier time I will tell them too you.
Fuck!!!
The kid is stealing my smokes if I don't keep them under lock and key every min. of our 36 hours together.
If he was a random kid that stole from me I'd hit him then spit in his face...
however the government pays me to look after this one.
What do you do when a kid breaks your trust?
Do I still take him to play land tommorow and pretend nothing happened?
Cut privlages? Like learn how to spell week?
He watches t.v for like 10 hours a day...
when I ask him to do something he groans and moans and acts like I'm asking him to save the world from genocide with one hand.
Did I tell you they pay me less then minimum wage?
Because the government has money for flag day and tax cuts but they can't pay the people who work in there homes a living wage?
Well to be fair it is a lot of money for watching t.v and going to the beach but I go to deal with being lied to , stollen from and hanging out with a kid who smells like dried up jiz.
There I said it. I can't force him to shower, I can revoce privlages (fuck i grew up on an army base in a forine country no one taught me how to spell!!) but then if he can't go to play land neither can I and it just becomes another fucking 10 hours of fourteen year old t.v!!!!!!
Did I tell you that all my friends are parting or on some beautiful island looking up at the milky way? No one to call no one to talk to.No co-workers.just you.

FUCK MY STUPID PARENTS FOR DRINKING AND FUCKING MY SCHOOL MONEY AWAY AND NOW I HAVE TO WORK TWO SHIT JOBS JUST TO BETTER MYSELF. FUCK.

DID i tell you I'm angry lonly and tired?
cause I am.
fuck.

nanny truism part one

I nap while I watch your kids.
There I said it.
Nanny cam me already!
I hate nannying I feel like a single mom.
And pushing a pink stroller debunks my style.
Though you made my cheeks turn red when you called me on it.
We all fuck up I am no exception.
If you don't want to raise them don't have them.
Your kids should be more important then your job, if there not don't breed.
fuck.

Todays bus reflections

I watch your chipped pink finger nails
bleach your eyes on public transit,

part of me quivers.

The first crack rock I ever saw was on the bus.

It turned grown men into aggressive whinny five year olds.

The second time I ever saw crack cocaine was at the bus stop.

The trick was over 

I could sense her relief...

or was it the thought of a soon quenched addiction?

(if only for a moment)

It's hard to tell with crack.

The first time I had to deal with I.V drugs

was in my house.

He said he'd do it outside but

it was after midnight,

my neighbors had kids.

What was I suppose to do?

We were all pissed off,

he did it in the bathroom

then never came over again.

I don't remeber writing this

the coma comes on quick.
Faster then hands can move.

the rest feels like flutterng.
A whirlwind.
Of emotion and voices.
In no particular order.

Mortal Sin Nuzzles In

i forgot the numbing
the quickness of it.
Brain has such a small spot for thought
i for got
i four get

replace, place , pause.

Appear put together.

If there were rules this would be the first.
Truthfully no one is counting.
We're all too busy.
And numbed.

Though floating
I still remember

Even when bliss surrounds.