things I need to say this week

My intuition is getting the better of me.
I saw your name my heart stopped then started up
one hundred times faster.
I haven't spoken to you in six months
why now?
my heartless responce being my only sheild.
Covered to you I am
Your not allowed to
remember me
think about me
email me
phone me
the only thing your allowed to do is
fucking give me my money back.
JUST INCASE YOU STILL READ THIS,
THAT WAS A REMINDER.

As for the other you.
It's over.
Find the voice to tell you
will be my next task.
I can't do this anymore
I too emotion for your cold wall.
dance by myself
i'm going bach to, thanks though.

fuck i can't do much right
but i can always make another
choise.
j

hey hi cheers

please let me do this
thanks for the upper.

Just the girl
with the stash.

Or not.
can I be me with out
giving all the time?

what do I give
how do you take?

Maybe I should start belieiving in money.
in this consumer bliss
crap.
But it's not all crap
JUlie
not all of it is crap,
just
the most obvious.

whispers the voice
sitting on my left/right

(hey Alex
hey April)

dance to this rythem
I'll try
just for the next bit
then I'm throw.
just so your aware
no surprises.
julie

thanks

thanks for putting up wiht me
i say to the wind
and post on my blogg
julie

friday the 13 and what looks like a full moon

so a few days a go
I told a good friend of mine
' hey I like don't care what happens cause I'm an adult
and I 'm aware of my choises
and I wanna experience jealousey
now I'm not quit ready.
fuck i wanna exceed
emotion.


fuck we're
we're
we're

gonna start an opulence night
I'm gonna blow my something something speaker
but i don't care...
and it gets this to here it go to...
www.tedmayerart.com
hit the abstract and video's
find the 'ted's new bass' video.
we're busy
us art lords
though we're not new
as i have been informed...
I have no right to post ant addreses cause i am part of a collective
and to post an address i need to have a meeting.

In case your wondering how I the writer feels
just re-read 'fuck you'
my stomache feels
like it should purge.
love I should not forget how to feel I must.
constant reminder to myself I am.
yoda said once.
hi andy.
go next store I'm afraid to.

the space I didn't know you filled

This ones about you.
The you who sits there reading this comfortably
knowing that it's not about you
well it's your turn.
Looked for you by my side I did
all night
leaning clouse to make a joke
I know will make you laugh
Smiled lips met only by the
blank space on all sides of me.
Clenched my phone in my hand
and begged it to tell me you had called
when you hadn't I pleaded with it to turn back time.
'Make it earlier, Vancouver time in Winnipeg, please'
"No"said the Gods "this time you must experience without the comforte that comes from knowing."
'Dance on stage and forget then I will'
"Good choise."
Anyway I need a date for tommorrow night, any takers?
julie

weeks worth of writing

We've set up an old G3 mac in my living room.
Have you seen the new G5's, holly shit,
I had no idea tecnology was moving that quickly.
I thought I'd post some short little poemetts I've been
muttering over this week. There never as good as you think
there going to be while your writing them oh well.

Charlie's birthday the Toad 2006
Double fisting and kissing
Moosehead bottles clenched
under arms made of fillet Minone
(bacon wrapped steak)

#2
Hey sista it's a balence on your knees
inbetween
befor and after
flame and coughing.

#3
Is this micus build-up
or
a mass released.
drug indused
or
virus infused?

Kiddies or yearly holiday habbits?

Besides the point of blame
beyond placement and reason...
I need to drink more water.

#4
Vastly the chararter stared into the void
called time and space,
Equalling the visual pleasures of the red light
and soft orange furnishings.

end
Thats my week in small poems.
have a good one on me , Julie

fuck you

i didn't mean to post this but ...

you never read my bloges anyway.

so right here right now I'm gonna say FUCK YOU.


Why did you sleep with me last night if it's her that you love?

cause her and i are good friends and if you think that we would'nt talk about it ,
your silly.

non the less fuck you.

Why didn't you just fuck her?

Her foot steps heared above us the whole time

hey

peace and love and holiday warm.
alone sometimes it's okay to be.
Even thows of us surrounded by loved friends feel
distant at the merriest of times.
cheers yourself for you alone have
carried yourself here. thanks, julie

Merry Christ - mas to those of you alone.

I pressed enter instead of tab.
ba, that seems to be the new a instead of s or vice versa
bullshit tecno fab land culture.
'I've got my blog spot'
'I've got my keyborad'
both to be sung to the tune of Wezzer's
'I've got my hash pipe'
Now dance to the guitar part...
or not.

Ba...

I wrote this poem that I was all excited to post but now am having second thoughts...

to post or not to post..

Okay I'll post but imagine me slamming this instead of it being all poetry
and sad.
Cause I'm a performance poet not a poet.

no tittle yet.

I felt your package like I was gropping your hand
for my favorite finger to hold.

I held it clouse to my heart

it had felt you just days ago.

I myself haven't felf your chubby caluses in a
year and a bit.

I thought this would be easy,

giving and reciving

another consumer bliss day alone.

I don't wanna miss you more today!!!

but i can't help it.

Tears flow as I am remined of the safty of your presents...
You told me to take care of myself
I don't want to fail you but

I've forgotten whats healthy.

I'm not a little kid any more
haven't been for awhile

but still deep in my heart i want nothing more then
to remain your little girl
perfect
without all these years of
smoking
non manogamy
and age.

Pull myself togethere
I'm over this
this was years ago

grow thru past pain

whiskey isn't food
and ciggarretes aren't vegtables

the end.

It's a little emotional, i can't help it
it's the holidays my family is all over the world and divorsed
or are married to some cousin on the othere side of my family
but no one is talking to anyon eles
but again if they are talking they're on the other side of the world.
thats what happens when everyone in your family is:
a) from Saskatchwan
b)in the military
c)warrent out for they're arrest
d)in the film industry
e)didn't make it past grade six

hahhahahahahahahahah

it feels good to laugh.
thanks
this is one of many off the wall x- mas bloggs
cheers to all of you I will miss over these
consumer bliss days
julie.

p.s
i tryed to spell check this one and my computer won't let me.
haha, merry holidays spelling pro's.

my habit

I'm almost developing a blogging addiction.
I don't have cable.
Late at night I sit in my living room smoking like one of the
Simpson twins, twiching , thinking about blogging, reading other peolpes bloggs
and wondering if there is going to be anything new

on my favorite bloggs slushpile, twigg, sage...

I've started writting poetry on Winnipegwriters@blogspot.com
baaaaa
it's silly to post this late in a computer outing
my eyes are humming in tune with the computer.
julie

green grass

It seems like my little contaner of grass
is always almost empty.
I'd cry if I thought it would help.
Ba.
Winnipeg is fucking driving me up the wall.
Does anyone wanna share a place in Vancouver.
Early spring time?
I'd still keep my studio in Winnipeg
but thats all i'm holding on to right now,
needless to say it's not enough.
Life seems to long most days.

you me and a what?
forever?
What about mortality?
Keep up this game or find a new one
Do I want a new one?

I wish I remember things more clearly,
the way your lips felt
I laying there
you demanding
My inability to perform
the role we want me to fit.
The truth is I am just anothere women
my intetions are rarly pure
and mostly self rewarding

I'll be the first to admitt it
right now
I'm being selfish.

thanks for your patients
julie

who fuckin' knows? do you?

Ya so i was dating this man for like almost five months and now he dosen't
return my phone calls
Ya do you think it's because i told him I didn't think I could love him?
Or do you think it's because I might have gotten really drunk and told him I slept
with some one eles?
Yes in our five month relationship I managed to sleep with three othere people.
Is that a score or a touch down?
Where are these other people now?
Who fuckin' knows?

On the brighter side
I'm almost to broke to smoke
I can almost hear my lungs thanking me.
WinnipegWords.blogspot.com is a new blog for wpg. writers
There is some good poetry on there.
And being single just means I have more time to write and mastrbate.
Fuck though,
if i never find love again
you will here me scream.
thanks,
julie

the morning after with iTunes

It was the nooks staff party last night.
Free booze and food.
Whenever I think I've growen beyond who I was four years
ago, I end up in a time whorp.

I was talking to Page and disscovered that our friends
were the cutest people there,
that answeres the age old question of why we 'keep it in the family'.

Fuck though, I feel like I couldn't pick up a sailor
at port on payday, even if I could though something tells me
I'd spend the whole experience comparing him to someone else.

Maybe instead of a fear of success I have a fear of sadisfation.

thanks for listening,
julie

i looked

i looked for you
and when i say you
i mean their was three
of you that equaled one
and i wanna say your names so that you'll know

but

i feel like a few secreats are wearth keeping.
fuck spelling

i went to a few art openings

i had a few dates

but none equated me in the right way

i left alone

but fuck

your the only person i looked for

your nose hung in the pure british shape
of it's glory
"liquide courage" you said to me behide the hall
the nightly venue
you who will never read this

you who will

and hate women all the while
i wish , i wish , i wish


al ot of things

you and me


a pure night
where i could of felt all

ba timing is shit
in reality

the last you

last week you
came to my questions

this week
nothing

a few messages

thats all

maybe i should call my mom.


fuck i miss watching you knowing where you would be


how to find you

i miss


you


us


the


weather



thanks julie

I wanna

I wanna tell you i love you

I wanna tell you i think about you still
almost every morning

I wanna tellyou that once I tryed to put your face togethere in my head
if only it was to remeber you for one whole moment.

I wanna tell you I still wonder what your intetions were
why

I wanna tell you i dyed my hair black

I'm alone

I wanna tell you this isn't about you.

My Poetic Part

I do theses art co-labs with my neighbors at the studio. For mediums we use video, paints, chalk , water coulor pensils and music. So last night I wrote a few silly lines that never got read, there just for you guys. Ahhhhhhh, your lucky!

Running down that long
road

towards nothing
just to see
if
my cardiovascular
system can
maintain

this julting

of up and down
rythem.


Listen, clouse off eyes

shut lids

and Listen


to your fat cells popping
away

jelly jelly jelly

fat.


ya thats that.

silly left overs burn better. may your day bring you the simpsons.

finally

I've got a computer in my living space again. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i'm learning how to be a social drinker again as a possed to a daily drinker that is. My lover told me last night that he's going to cut back too, with out my prompting. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.It's funny how ideas go from being in your head to reality . Reality ha ha ha ha ha ha! whats real to me ? whats real to you? does anyone know or care about these details?my coffee does. I hung out with an old friend last night , for most of it I could see four eyes and two lips worth of facsial features on her ba ba ba ba thats anothere reason to cut back on the booze she had had one drink and i 13 , though it's a beautiful number. I miss you, words can meet your eyes and i can't. reality. good music to cheak out: arcade fire and broken social scene and the postal service and julie parrell's things i shoulda' said last week avalible through funkiejulie@yahoo.com. shamful and shameless. i'll see you tommorrow. breath easy float with intention. ju lie

a quik smoke

it's my friend stephs wedding social tonight!!!
i wish i wasn't single
i like knowing that when i get all dressed up there will be a boy there to
hugg and kiss me and tell me how beautiful i am
instead i imagine a drunk man reeeeeeeekkkkkkking of cheap yeasty beer will try to lean in clouse and try to tell me how hot i make him
if i'm that 'hot' why can't you tell me without a few drinks?
drunk men are almost one of my pet pives, not that this is a high school year book entry and not that i don't like dancing with drunk men and bumming smokes off them.

heartless i am trying to not become heartless, without compassion.

single single single, my boyfriend of 13 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago.
it was for the better i just miss him i miss sharing all the little things
sassy sassy sassy suck
love is a heart breaker that dosen't give a fuck
take that winnipeg slam poetry fucks
i lost for the seconde year in a row by .1
it's like the mother fucking olimpics

well i'm ready all dressed up in baby blue satin and velvet with matching toenails
glass bat in one hand key borad in the other
my humor will return again soon
alex, april i miss you two
can we plan a party
that you two can come home for?
Maybe when alex's foot heals we could have a party on msn
i should stop this in san ity, wish me luck and send me kisses julie

spring in the land of snow

Here it is again
spring hahahahhahahahah!!
if you live in the praries \ the true north you know what a fucking joke the word spring is.
My feet are damp and my cheeks are cold
it's only -8 but with the wind it's -14
what kind of hell is this?
I bet in vancouver there are flowers and
warm sun shine .
Alexs I miss you but some days I envey you
to much.

I'm trying to get off coffee
I gave my coffee pot to a friend
and bought some instant organic coffee at gaint tiger
for $1.47
i enjoy giant tiger,

there is this girl
i can't forget her eyes
they keep apperring behind my lids
my boyfriend is volunteering with her right now
thank god shes a lesbian with a girlfriend
safe bunderies man shes cute.

I really have nothing eles to blog peace out

Back pain and child care

I hate my job , I hate my job so much I would go as far as to say
t.v would do a better jod raising your child then I would.
People who know that thier child\eren are over active or demanding
should always bring thier childcare workers
hard booze or drugs at the end of the day.


There was a poetry slam tonight but I have no energy left to slam hmmmmm
I got the new sage francis it kinda makes me feel like I'm in the know.

I'm trying to make an album with some friends but their not returnung my calls
people don't really call me.
Getting a boyfriends a huge social disease. I'm not lonly for a humans touch I'm lonly for a girly conversation
with an intelligent women.

Life just seems to be going by in one continuse blurrrrrrrr
Same search for purpose
Same questioning of purpose
Same need to eat
Same need
Same Same same same

Maybe it's just because it's winter
the weather has this way of making you feel trapped.

My other problem is that i can't seem to write
I don't know if it's my surroundings or
if I only write when i'm really depressed or...

heres half of the poem i wrote today feb.15

I'm gonna quit my job
my body shivers
quivers clench my stomahce

my brain twiches out
2 week
intervals
plans the handwriting
decides tone

i kinda wanna puke

i wonder what simpson episode is on tonight?

i'm gonna quit my job
and jump free
into the unknowen

spring free from that
that binds you
takes you for granted...

thats my new half written poem only edited once you be the judge...
keep well and remember your never as alone as you want to be. julie