it' late I saw scott nolean and had a beer plus...

i put down harry potter for you,
this means i like you...

he says type it myraid.. so i do
damned slave
think for yourself you work in four hours.

round and round we go

I miss the days of high school where we'd skip class,
drink tequila and smoke dope,
while basking in the sunshine
disussing Thoth and flowers of life.

I miss them simply for

sorry for all the melo-drama...
sometimes I'm a bit extreme.

i don't know if i'll make friends

the first comfestion of the day startes like this...
i steal when I'm drunk
some find this funny
otheres not so much.

Last night i almost stole hash from this guy, i didn't then tryed to make jokes about it, i don't think he laughed nor appricated it when i went on about how i wished it was opium rolled in coke.I bought the hash though, it's really nice. too bad i don't have any friends to share it with.
Well i have a few friends but i think they might need a brake from me today, you know how i get when i drink straight gin no rocks.

the second confession goes like this...
i'm listening to ...
tina turner... private dancer smoking the tobacco i stole from the guys girlfriend last night.
both bad habits.

I miss you and the way that you got me, let me be myself and saved the judging for God.
Ba,
hows your day going?
better i hope.
i'm gonna get high and watch t.v
lame but true.
feel free to email me a project idea.
love julie

maybe i blog too much...

it's nice but i've got writters block.
if i could explain it i would use this analagy (i think this might be a metaphor);
it's like when your so horny you spend the day getting high and jerkin', the fantasies are fresh your own touch a relife from an akward lovers yet still no orgasim
because in the middle of an almost peak you loose it and start contempleting the demise of your last relationship. ya thats the way this writters block feels.

My friend mike referes to me as a poet and it makes me blush and feel uncomfortable.
not that thats a new thing.
i'm gonna try anyways bare with me.

it starts more beautifully then it ends.
since when it that new?
i see you
it's been along time
and i can't help but skipp to your embrase.
All six four of you curls around my body,
my friend from kamloops watches as he walks away
he smiles because he can see how happy we are.

This feeling lasts for a few days
though we are so drunk neither of us have a clear memory of it,
since when is this a new feeling?

as the weeks go by i distance myself
since when is this new?

we end up laying on red velvet
in a public space
you start with a text message to another whoes far away
'it's over'(reads the text message)
'now it's your turn'
...
i stare at him waiting for a clue that this is real.
I refuse my own dialoge
and demmande that yours becomes more lucid.

your eyes bat lashes trying to tell me stories
but i ran out of money to buy your lies
in fact i forgot altogether.

it ends in a story regarding the tale of a purchase.
and quickly forms itself into a
fable about a bottle and too many thank yous.

end, the.

ya, is that a poem?
kinda but how?
has the peoets job always been to tell the stories but in a dream like perspective?
what is the relationship between the story teller and the poet are they one of the same cloth?
things i can't help but wonder.
cheers julie

here iam

I wish i had more to say.
things have been remarcably calm.
Monday is the day I start the job hunt, no promises ièll make it to first pay check befor i have to borrow money.
Money goes so fast here. I took out forty dollars thinking that it would last longer the an hour, hahahaha joke was on me.
all the food smells so good itès hard not to snack all the time.
Oh the shin splints are finally not throbing when i wake up.
On my third day here mike took me on a walking tour, after drinking with my new roommate for a few hour we then decided to jog, it felt good at the time.

Iève been spending the last few nights with my friend joèe, she is a great girl. truthfully i don;t think i could have done this move without her we fit togethere like two french girls should. we spent friday night drinking wine on her balcony catching up and yaking about boys then passed out to sex in the city. a dream come true.
As for the job there are lots here. ièm hoping to get a job supporting drug addicts but if that dosenèt happen then ièll get a job working at a market. My rent is only $430 and food is really cheap, i got six on the vine organic tomatoes for $1.60, holly fuck eh.

Itès my turn to shower then i think ièll go see mike, charge my phone and drink some of his whiskey. Ièll start being responcible tommorrow. honestly i was so busy in wpg befor i let i needed this week off.

Tool was great i was so clouse i culd stare at maynor the whoe time, but that guitar player (i thought he was a women for the first bit, as i really need glasses now, my eyes are not healng themselves as i had hoped)they played anima (learn to swin, fuck i think i came in my pants no hands needed)
lots of love julie

the move

here I am standing at a free computer in the van libray,
they don't give you chairs I suppose it's to make you act faster.
the bus ride down was long but a well needed rest, I keep forgeting that I live here now and i need to pay attention to streets and lay out , I am not a tourist I am not a tourist.
Tool was okay, I have to addmitt I enjoyed thier last show more, they sound tired
board like they no longer need to try to play there for they no longer need to be in the now for everything to 'come togethere'.My seats were awsome though and I can finally say I saw tool not just heard them really loud while watching dots move.
The weather is milded though 20 here isn't all that warm cause you have the wind blowing off the ocean.
hmmmmm, i ran into an old lover after the show last night he was here just for one more night, the things we coulda done. instead we watched the water and talked about a future that may never come. boys your all so cute I can't hep but feel over whelmed most days.
Mike and I have already gotten really drunk, I was walking down davie with no shirt or bra on the looks i got were great, some guy yelled 'hey you , grow some tits' still makes me laugh, cause ya I choose my tit size!
Miss y'all and the security of knowing were I am and where I'm going. I left Alex's apartment to go get mike and had to call alex the second i step outside his door for more directions. Amiee i always relayed on her.
Tata for now I'm changing my number todayish, I'll let you know. lots of love julie

me now

I'm moving,
the words seem to echo
or is it just me?
I have no idea what I'm doing
but i know where I'm going.

It feels wierd
I'm packing and I'm not moving down the street or going on a trip.
I'm doing both, both sets of rules aply, do you really need this, have you used it in the last six months, can you carry it?

the goodbyes
fuck they make my stomach turn and my food crawl up.
I hate goodbyes I'm no good at them i cry.
Moments and journies.
i miss you already.

can you promise you'll come see me?

I started going to www.facade.com and doing some daily tarrot card readings.
The following is a line from my i ching reading today:

The present is embodied in Hexagram 19 - Lin (Approach): There will be great progress and success, while it will be advantageous to be firmly correct. In the eighth month there will be evil

My card reading today also gave warning to some unforseen bad luck, don't count your chickens before they hatch. The vodoo magic is gaining force in this heat wave commonly knowen as...
summer.

It's a good sight for free readings of almost any kind, if your into that kinda thing.
cheers j.

Just another night at the Nook

and he says off the gride and I'm thinkin'
no computer and cell phone and no bank card.
that for me is off the gride,
he then procceds with some lenght and factual tid bits.
I clench on the inside
piecing together all the pipes and hot water
coils.
that make up a solar panle.

dreams growen in the hearts of lovers
take flight in absents (and whiskey).

I want to remind him, but he sparkles
and the dream feeds this so
i don't.

searching

I'm searching for a sence of peace.
I've tryed a few things mostly booze drugs and men,
needless to say they quench little and as of late just seem to add to my anxiety.

I have a hard time sitting still
I'm in a constant flux of pointless action,
working only to sadisfy my needs,
which aren't as numoroues as they once were.

Perhaps thats the start I needed.
Content to sit still surrounded by my own
filth and good will belongings.

mastrbating to images of objects
houses with gardens
right angles and soft serve.
I find them to be more constant,
more fufilling then a one night stand with a lover who claims to know and love.

Please don't claim to know or love,
it only insults me in times of transition.


Heart bare, lungs full and stomache still eating last nights meal
I smeer grease on my face and jump naked onto my porch
screaming nothing autable,
the neibors are sleeping and the roomates indifferent
I go back to sitting in my filth and cheap belongings
with a new face.

May we all have things to find.

home sweet Canda

Hmmmmmm, back in the land where they won't arrest me for smoking herb thank god.
If I saw one more Christan pro life ad I was going to start yelling (at the americans I yelled in the van quit a bit). Thought about makeing the shirt 'My contry payed for my abortion' with a maple leaf in the back ground, I thought of it on the road and probably would of got shot had I made it. Even on the back of the semi truck there were pro life ads. Southeren christanity rubbed me the wrong way, though you can call me baby or sweety any day, even the women called me baby.I bought a 40 of vodka for 12$ yep needless to say IT'S 12:30 IN THE AFTERNOON AND i'M DRINKING. (cap lock was a fluck though it works)The van broke down in Batesville Arkanses in the middle of the night, thank god we listen to our mothers and got CAA exstended care, we fit six people in a two seater tow truck, Krista body was half out of the window and I had to hold on to her legs for extra safty. When the man said pile in we thought he was crazy, five women sitting where only one and a half people would fit. Tracy and I hadn't laughed that hard since Canada.Alex's thats when I called you I was like it's just as exstensive to call Van. I just needed to ground myself with someone eles voice.
Over all it was a good trip though it was not the relaxing vacation I had hoped for. Florida was relaxing the ocean just holds, salt water in your eyes is awful.Aimee and I tanned so dark we were darker then the milato people!And no one knew what a Metis was because their aboriginal people stay on the reserve yep 14 days in the states and Aimee was the (well this is about to be a lie, we met Gueronimo's
granddaughter in our camp site in Louisanna it was after we saw the fort where he was killed fort pickens, I saw my first ghosts there, I've never been so uncomfortable in the sunshine before, the way death hangs over the place is real, you had to give yourself a self guided tour with a pamphlet and thow they mentioned 3600 Alpine indians were captured there, they forgot to mention they were tortoured to death, the building was built by the mansons and is still in great shape, it was built in 1860, keep in mind florida sees huricans lkike manitoba sees blizzards) the only indian I saw. There are two types of boys in the south red necks and good old boys. We drank with the good old boys, they will tell you how beautiful and smart you are and make it clear that if you want they will sleep with you, however if you say no they don't mined and stick aropund to get drunk with you. However a red neck will tell you in very gross langage what he wants to do to y0u and if you say no he gets pisseed off calls you names and thats that.A perfect example is the bumper sticker I'd rather be cumming then stroking. Fuck them I hope every red neck who is mean and affensive towards women dies of blue balls. There are red neck women too their almost worse but not.'My man has been checking you all out for days this is our baby'
the lover has appeared I will let you go now.j

It's me again

Amiee and I woke up early to get ice coffee and come email.
Southeren men oh boy! They treat you like a princess, we've made friends at our camp site, when they came over last night and asked us if they could have a drink with us all I told them yes but if we decided we didn't like them we were going to kick them , they laughed and sat down. Charlie if your reading this one of the guys looks just like erin but with brown coulouring same eyes and kindness. Getting drunk down hear is hard cause you just sweat it out almost as fast as you drink it I've only managed to get drunk twice though every morning at bonnaroo was wine wine wine. Booze is so cheap we payed $5 for a 26 of coconut rum and pinapple juice, I payed $4.99 for a bottle of australian wine.I have developed a southeren accent when I drink and I can say Y'all so well you'd think I was born in Louisanna. I love louisanna and Kentucky and Tennesse oh ya and Alabama. I have seen 12 states in eight days and will probably see 6 more before the end of this trip.I haven't seen and aligator though have been told they really don't bug you, a man with dreamy eyes told me this and I want to belive him. Oh this is gross, so we get here and everyones like you can't swim in the lake because it's polluted we're like okay , a day goes by, we start asking if there is anywhere near here we can swim (anothere lake maybe) No , turns out the pollution is from all the dead bodies left by Katrina. So in the sweltering heat you just stare at the water and convince yourself that we really are going back to the ocean just as soon as we see New Orleans, which is today $3 togo Margaritas. Fuckn' eah y'all, julie

florida louisianna and alabama

I'll blame my spelling on the heat. I offically know what 95 in the shade means.
Oh the states we have been on theroad for a week and a day and today we are hoping to have our first day without cops, besides the festival where they just look at you from their horse.
Found out bonnaroo is owned by Viacom and MTV they pulled in 24 million in three and a half days beer was 5$ and my jack and punches were 6$. Beck blew my mined he did Debra (my favorite song) acoustic. Death Cab was worth every penny so this is the new year live fuck. Clap your hands and say yeah pritty good.
I'm in the bayou In louisianna 45 mins. outside New orleans the hurrican damage is fucking crazy and they just re-build in the same spot and yes the houses still sell for 2.2 millon. Pensicola florida is where we first saw the damage, lame rich touist spot although increadably beautiful and breath taking.We had two Ocen chooises on one beach wavey ocean or calm ocean, more fish that bit in the calm ocean. I was stung by a jelly fish hurt a little more then the fish bite. Want to leave this baptist library and go smoke my cheap Winstons and eat sushi, yes you can smoke every where and buscuits and gravy is the best idea I've heard in a long time. Fatty julie eating a bit of american animal fat, must pee now might get a chance to blog from Menphis on monday keep well and love Canada we have it so good, julie

me now friday night without a human but with everything eles.

ted and i have been working on this ten foot by four foot canvas for like well
since march,
it's an abstracted veiw of the praries,
where you can see below as well as above to be cheesy
'As above so below'
pegan quote of the year.
any way I'm searching for this way to show all of that as well as
the polarities of red and blue
male and female.
I've visually created all these ideas but
I'm stuck trying to conect them.
One image seems two dimentional while the other
mulit.
Painting vs writing.
I really enjoy mixing both formates of
exsprestion.
Spelling or grammer a bit off?
sorry.
j

what is love?

love is ultimate forgiveness,
with a grounded perseption of reality,
your reality and our reality.

if you

if you really need to get me you need to hear
Sia breath me
intrpols NYC and untitled
as well as tool
and prefect something and deftones
and if the idea of a new moneen album floats your boat
maybe we could talk.
or forget,
choise is yours
or mine
slash
both.

to quote Sia
"i have lost myself again
be my friend
hold me
wrapp me up
unfold me"

danish electronica
i love it,
enjoy with no links,
j

three years in the making

It's over.
One could say, 'finally'
while the other 'definitly'.

Walked down this road before I have,
Never\always wished this hard before.

Exhale these tears from my eyes
before they fall
and I crumble.

I'm glad you don't know this part of me.

end (the)

this is over dramitised a little i'm not crying
i'm not gonna 'crumble'
heart feels a little weak
but common' i'm still given' her.
aurg says the army bratt.
cheers and love,
j.

i can feel you in your emails
from your breath to your tone
hhhmmmmmm
exhale a low moan.

this momentary glimps into you
quenches.

The truth today is...

I'm in the process of quitting tobacco and nicotine.
I'm down to a half a smoke a day,
unless I drink
even then I don't share more then
three smokes.
I was smoking 13 to 15
a day, I've been smoking since I was 13
I'm almost 25.
j