searching

I'm searching for a sence of peace.
I've tryed a few things mostly booze drugs and men,
needless to say they quench little and as of late just seem to add to my anxiety.

I have a hard time sitting still
I'm in a constant flux of pointless action,
working only to sadisfy my needs,
which aren't as numoroues as they once were.

Perhaps thats the start I needed.
Content to sit still surrounded by my own
filth and good will belongings.

mastrbating to images of objects
houses with gardens
right angles and soft serve.
I find them to be more constant,
more fufilling then a one night stand with a lover who claims to know and love.

Please don't claim to know or love,
it only insults me in times of transition.


Heart bare, lungs full and stomache still eating last nights meal
I smeer grease on my face and jump naked onto my porch
screaming nothing autable,
the neibors are sleeping and the roomates indifferent
I go back to sitting in my filth and cheap belongings
with a new face.

May we all have things to find.