you can't exspect someone eles to
save you.
to be your owe personal jesus.
it just can't work
it just won't happen.
Infacuation only takes us so far
lust turned to
companionship
turns to
stability
turns to
the next step.
They still won't save you
no matter how far in
the cycle you progress.
It's all up to you,
belive me now while we still have time,
please.
but but but I wanna belive,
.no.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
fuck this city is full of crazys winnipeg only dreams of.
So I use to live two streets north of hastings on lakewood (and dundas)
this neiborhood was full of prostitutes, junkies, dealers, low incomes and young folks.
The most exciting encounters that happened were;asked if I wanted to buy drugs (by very large sketchy men),walking down dark streets with people out crusing for prostitues or drugs nothing too over the top yet not a sunture.Now on my bus ride home I get to wait for my bus at Fraser and broadway. I was warned about this neiborhood, I laughed I said
"ha I just moved from funkin' lakewood, fraser gansters are lame poor fools."
Well did I eat my mother fuckin' words tonight.The voice in my head told me to take the
bus to kingsway and wait for my fraser bus there.
It said,
"Oh ya stoned Julie don't forget to take the bus to kingsway",after I had already gotten off the bus and was visually stunned by the amount of people lounging in a door way yelling about scales and smoke. While the prostites to high to hold their heads/bodies up decorated the street corners.
"thanks voice" I muttered to my own subconciouse.
Crossing the street was un eventful.
I light my smoke aaaaahhhhh, after work nicotine tastes so good, fuck there is no where to sit too many people taking the transit not enough space (as ususal in vancouver).This man come raving up the street, askes to buy a smoke off me, flashes me a hand full of change, (this stunt is popular here, I have fallen for this a few times, it's usually by men I suppose to be pimps, I have my evidence, that will be anothere rant when it's ready) I porduce one for him, he holds a quater out flat in his hand, my instinc tells me not to touch this man, he clouses his hand fast and sneers at me muttering something crule I couldn't make out. He then prosseds to yell at this white gangsta,
"you fuckin' laughn' at me, this is not the street for the white man, you gotta get your ass out of here I don't like you, I was rasied on these streets and you gotta get the fuck out of here befor I change my mind, cause if I'm going down I'm takin' one of you with me."
At this point I'm in my safe bubble, white light all around me and I'm not looking at these people this is not my fight. Then bang, crazy guy has fuckin' suplexed, no it was more like a shoulder slam but with his forarm into the white guys back, while he was trying to walk away , and white 'buddy' is down on the ground yelling,
"You fucker, I wasn't even looking ect..."
ba, then crazy 'buddy'desides to start preaching at the rest of us about the morals and life teachings of his motha' all the while muttering about how soon he's gonna go down and he ain't going down alone.
Finally after my heart is beating so loudly I'm convinced the girl beside me can here it the bus shows up. I had lots of w**d and my rent money on me.
Fuck man I just wannted to come home from work.
The good news is I got a bike and I know the girl at the bike store (our community bikes!)and on friday after the store clouses we're gonna fix my bike, then I won't have to a)bus out of my way to be safe b)deal with the nightly crazy's.
I was trying not to live in fear because this city, like many otheres, lives in fear. There is always some story about this street and a guy with an axe or that street and the guy who killed prostitutes lots of that.But as I'm learning the violence is real.
cheers julie
this neiborhood was full of prostitutes, junkies, dealers, low incomes and young folks.
The most exciting encounters that happened were;asked if I wanted to buy drugs (by very large sketchy men),walking down dark streets with people out crusing for prostitues or drugs nothing too over the top yet not a sunture.Now on my bus ride home I get to wait for my bus at Fraser and broadway. I was warned about this neiborhood, I laughed I said
"ha I just moved from funkin' lakewood, fraser gansters are lame poor fools."
Well did I eat my mother fuckin' words tonight.The voice in my head told me to take the
bus to kingsway and wait for my fraser bus there.
It said,
"Oh ya stoned Julie don't forget to take the bus to kingsway",after I had already gotten off the bus and was visually stunned by the amount of people lounging in a door way yelling about scales and smoke. While the prostites to high to hold their heads/bodies up decorated the street corners.
"thanks voice" I muttered to my own subconciouse.
Crossing the street was un eventful.
I light my smoke aaaaahhhhh, after work nicotine tastes so good, fuck there is no where to sit too many people taking the transit not enough space (as ususal in vancouver).This man come raving up the street, askes to buy a smoke off me, flashes me a hand full of change, (this stunt is popular here, I have fallen for this a few times, it's usually by men I suppose to be pimps, I have my evidence, that will be anothere rant when it's ready) I porduce one for him, he holds a quater out flat in his hand, my instinc tells me not to touch this man, he clouses his hand fast and sneers at me muttering something crule I couldn't make out. He then prosseds to yell at this white gangsta,
"you fuckin' laughn' at me, this is not the street for the white man, you gotta get your ass out of here I don't like you, I was rasied on these streets and you gotta get the fuck out of here befor I change my mind, cause if I'm going down I'm takin' one of you with me."
At this point I'm in my safe bubble, white light all around me and I'm not looking at these people this is not my fight. Then bang, crazy guy has fuckin' suplexed, no it was more like a shoulder slam but with his forarm into the white guys back, while he was trying to walk away , and white 'buddy' is down on the ground yelling,
"You fucker, I wasn't even looking ect..."
ba, then crazy 'buddy'desides to start preaching at the rest of us about the morals and life teachings of his motha' all the while muttering about how soon he's gonna go down and he ain't going down alone.
Finally after my heart is beating so loudly I'm convinced the girl beside me can here it the bus shows up. I had lots of w**d and my rent money on me.
Fuck man I just wannted to come home from work.
The good news is I got a bike and I know the girl at the bike store (our community bikes!)and on friday after the store clouses we're gonna fix my bike, then I won't have to a)bus out of my way to be safe b)deal with the nightly crazy's.
I was trying not to live in fear because this city, like many otheres, lives in fear. There is always some story about this street and a guy with an axe or that street and the guy who killed prostitutes lots of that.But as I'm learning the violence is real.
cheers julie
Sunday, November 12, 2006
aahhhh a day off in remembrance
oh yestrday,
luck, couisidance and random acts would
sumerize my yestrday.
A good friend showed up out of the dark rainy night
and saved me from another night of drinking in a dark whole with a man 20 years older and a 'friend' who thinks I should go for him.I've tryed on numorous occations to tell her there is only one forty year old for me and I don't date anyone older then 15 years.when asked why I prefere the older ones my responce of late has been. drugs, people of the older generations are not as likly to wanna do 'e' or rail prozac or use roofies to sleep...he laughted my friend when I told him this and asked if it was really that bad. I said, you have no idea,if you can get passed the video addictions and put up with weekend habits you'll do just fine...
A week latter he informes me that the new spark in his eye, has a weekend habbit, he can't relate too, my only comfort to him is 'at least it's just the week end'
It nice here. Sometimes I get these prefect moments, I'm so thankful for them.
It's so rainy and gloomy here it takes a while to get used to, we've had 40 mm of rain last week alone and this week we're in for 80mm, fuck ah?
It's warm still though, I can't smoke in my new place and I still don't put on a coat to go out for one!!!Are heat is also free so the appartment is quite warm, unlike my passed manitoba homes where if you were cold you just put on a sweater and the studio where you never took your coat off!!
simpsons now write latter j
luck, couisidance and random acts would
sumerize my yestrday.
A good friend showed up out of the dark rainy night
and saved me from another night of drinking in a dark whole with a man 20 years older and a 'friend' who thinks I should go for him.I've tryed on numorous occations to tell her there is only one forty year old for me and I don't date anyone older then 15 years.when asked why I prefere the older ones my responce of late has been. drugs, people of the older generations are not as likly to wanna do 'e' or rail prozac or use roofies to sleep...he laughted my friend when I told him this and asked if it was really that bad. I said, you have no idea,if you can get passed the video addictions and put up with weekend habits you'll do just fine...
A week latter he informes me that the new spark in his eye, has a weekend habbit, he can't relate too, my only comfort to him is 'at least it's just the week end'
It nice here. Sometimes I get these prefect moments, I'm so thankful for them.
It's so rainy and gloomy here it takes a while to get used to, we've had 40 mm of rain last week alone and this week we're in for 80mm, fuck ah?
It's warm still though, I can't smoke in my new place and I still don't put on a coat to go out for one!!!Are heat is also free so the appartment is quite warm, unlike my passed manitoba homes where if you were cold you just put on a sweater and the studio where you never took your coat off!!
simpsons now write latter j
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
blah blah blah
hello,
I moved again, will type more when time premittes.
I am living with a computer again aaahhhhhhh.
Yes I have been on craigs list for a half hour oh it felt good.
My new rommate (one of them I have two a boy and a girl)the boy is also slitly addicted to craigs list. Fuck there are some funny ads up today. God I need a bike I moved way off the drive, which I did on purpose a)to save the money b)to see more of vancouver c)to bike like a demoned 365 days a year, yes thats why I moved here too to bike like a demoned. miss you julie
I moved again, will type more when time premittes.
I am living with a computer again aaahhhhhhh.
Yes I have been on craigs list for a half hour oh it felt good.
My new rommate (one of them I have two a boy and a girl)the boy is also slitly addicted to craigs list. Fuck there are some funny ads up today. God I need a bike I moved way off the drive, which I did on purpose a)to save the money b)to see more of vancouver c)to bike like a demoned 365 days a year, yes thats why I moved here too to bike like a demoned. miss you julie
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