I want to

I want to scream 'I love you' at the top of my lungs on the highest mountain
Or on the busiest street on the skidiest of rows
I want the world to know, I love you.

The problem being
if there can be a problem with love,
Is that the you is no one person.

This urge over comes me
my actions compelled to complete
this task, so I do.

Whole heartedly.
Yet this leaves a calm empty feeling in my me.

Perhaps the secret with love is too give it away
un nammed.

hhhmmm free eah?

Red tube.
my graciouse.
Will there ever be free real lesbian porn on the net?
Not all lesbians have long fake nails, long hair and moan like that.
Short brown haired
Lesbians do exist just not in the porn industry.
Or do they, any leads?

Ba the U.S.A

It's a Saturday night and I'm quike viewing between
'he man and shera's christmas speacial' and a cbc speacial on video games.
In korea they have gameing super stars sponcered by tela com business
in the usa they're using games to recute new soilders and in Palistine they're using them to permote nationalism in youth. Sorry the spelling is sooooo bad, it was a long day at Shaman school. It's all a brain fuck.

Here's a new one, after a day in the rain forest with shaman , I'm gonna go curising and drink a star bucks. Is that irony? I can't tell.

In case you too are still morning the loss of tvlinks :( I have been resarching new possiblities. However thier documentary listing usually suck. fuck.

As the holidays draw near

I feel as though my mother and I are having a tug o war. Over who can be the least emotional or the most drunk. I've always meant to call her when I'm black out drunk and say crazy things too her but with the time difference and all I just feel too guilty calling her plus then she'd be the one telling me she was concerned for me instead of it being the way it is now. My dad used to be the heavy drinker during my younger days he would go out with the boys every week end. Then when he left our family he stopped drinking and my mom took it up.Thats why I don't drink beer eah, too many memories of beer breath being breathed on me while they touch me and told me how much they love me. Gross.

I was trying to remember my favorite christmas. As a child there a were a few. Back in Germany I think one cdn dollar was like 12 marks and both my parents worked so I got what ever I wanted. Beautiful doll carages and houses, lots of food and friends and army christmas parties. Oh how I miss the tanks being dressed in garlin and bowes. I'll admit it I miss the infantry lately; the smells of the halls , the moose milk in the officers mess, the old guy that waves you on to base if you have one of those stickers, those stickers, the smell of boot polish in the living room, the constant eye of authority and the park battles between army, air and sea. The names we used to call each other would make most civilians heads spin. Childeren taught to talk dirty by army guys!

Any who, I can't remeber my favorite adult christmas because I feel like the night of opulance that was christmas of 2005 was a little to crazy. Besides it was xmas eve and we were soooo hung over we slept apart untill 4:30 christmas day, no we slept together and when my drunken step father called and you answered the phone, my heart almost stopped.

'oh no' I thought 'they'll know I slept with a boy!'

So thats my question  can  sleeping through christmas  count as my favorite adult christmas?

Drinking and crying in the bathroom at my auntes house is next on the list if the other can't count.

Boys, I miss you, 

julie

just email me already, telling me it's okay PLE$ASE!!!
I hate loosing friends.

I think i fucked this up

Even just thinking about me and relationships makes most peolpe cringe. I found a beautifully crazy boy and proved myself crazier then he! ba.
I've said it a thousand times but...
I'd like to stop drinking,
stop getting black out drunk and yelling at peolpe I love or atleast wanna love.

When I crawl into my bed at night I remeber you there eyes sparkling with excitement and something eles that was beautiful. But now all i have left is an anziety rush and guilt.
Mix with a book about genicide and the urge for pain.ba, this shamanic process is hard.